First Content Paragraph
posted by scorpioneo at 4:57 PM
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
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28 Comments:
Being the eldest child in a family is good. This is because eldest child in a family can become more independent if we compare to other family members. Normally the eldest child in a family won't let their parents feel worried about them. Besides that, they have to take care of the house and also the family members when the parents are away from home. Other than that, the eldest child has the responsibility to clean up the home and do the housework, with doing all these houseworks, the eldest child in a family can learns more things and gain more experiences.
4:06 PM
i'm pm 13
4:07 PM
Nobody,
Your first content paragraph has not stated the topic sentence clearly. What is your topic sentence for this particular paragraph? Make sure that each content paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to tell your readers on what your paragraph is going to be about.
Lamour
You too have not clearly state the topic sentence clearly for this paragraph. You must state that reading campaigns would be a good way to encourage reading among students in the beginning of the paragraph. Also, i've noticed that you only have 2 supporting details in your first content paragraph. To make it complete, you will have to include one more supporting detail.
Mrlonely13
You mentioned that having a room mater would allow one to form study groups. Thus, your supporting details will have to show how beneficial forming study groups can help in studies and not in personal problems as the definition of a study group is a group formed to help in anything to do with study problems.
Ladybird,
You too have not stated your topic sentence clearly in this paragraph. What are you trying to tell your readers? Are you trying to say that being the eldest is good? Only that? How is it good being the eldest? A topic sentence will have to portray what your paragraph is going to be about and it cannot sound like this: Being the eldest in the family is good. Remember, the easiest way of writing an essay is to start each paragraph with your topic sentence.
12:01 PM
cuteyounglady
You have actually written an introduction paragarph. You are suppose to write the first content paragraph for this particular link. Please include your first content paragraph here to explain the first topic sentence.
12:04 PM
Title: The Disadvantages of Cigarette Smoking
First of all, cigarette smoking is money wasting. A pack of cigarette cost about 8 ringgit, why we use the RM8 to burn it rather than use it in other aspects that bring benefits to us? Sometimes, people who addicted in cigarette smoking consume more than one pack of cigarette per day, that mean they spend more than RM8 per day, alomst RM3000 per year on the non-benefits cigarette smoking. Almost quater of their income have been spent on cigarette smoking, and this led to decreasing in their savings.Otherwise, they actually can use the money that spend on cigarette smoking to proceed on some healthier and better activity. For example, they can spend on travelling, buying book, further studies and etc.
12:06 PM
Jackie,
What are you trying to stress in your first paragraph? Is it that being that being the eldest makes you more mature? Or are you trying to say that being the eldest, you have to be mature? Do make sure you are sure about what you want to focus on before writing an essay. Think about it and come up with another first content paragraph.
12:07 PM
jessss
Your topic sentence is very clear. However, you will have to think about stronger examples to show how friends actually influence the lives of teenagers nowadays. Think about what are the activities that actually influence teenagers to follow their friends.
12:09 PM
The Advantages of Being the Eldest Child in the Family
First of all, the advantage of being the eldest child in a family is the child is more independent. It is because the parents are giving responsibility to take care of other siblings that younger. Other than that, the eldest child is also given the responsibility to do the household chores. When the parents are not around, parents sure will ask the eldest child to help to clean the house and also take care of the younger. Beside that, then parents are give them love and supports. These drive the elder child to be more mature and have more mature thinking skills. This also makes them become more independent.
12:11 PM
Chessboy,
From your writing below, you have not stated clearly what you want to write in this particular paragraph. You are circling around the idea that a room mate is someone you can count on. Howver, what is the main thing you want to stress about in this paragraph? Thus, you will need to state clearly your topic sentence and come up with good examples as the supporting details to support your topic sentence.
Firstly, roommate is the person who always beside in our life. As a student, most of the time in school and study. Then, we will spend other free time with activities, such as play chess, basketball, volleyball and other good activities. So, that means we will spend more time with our roommate for sharing happiness and sadness each other. At the same time, roommate will be a very good listener. Then, we and our roommate will be good friends in each life. Roommate also always accompany us when we feel bored . This can make our time pass faster and won’t feel we are alone .
12:17 PM
starcandy
Refering to what you have written below, you have not shown that you know what you want to write about. You will have to start from your outline and revamp what you have written in your outline. Remember that an essay must have these three elements:
a. Thesis statement
b. Topic sentences
c. Supporting details.
For the content paragraphs, you will have to show your topic sentences clearly in each paragraph and they always start as the first sentence of the paragraph. It's a statement that show clearly to your readers what your first content paragraph is going to be about. What you have written below does not have a topic sentence to portray that paragraph.
Being the first born child in the family is the most challenge for the certain eldest child in this world. But for certain people, being the eldest in the family is not a burden but it is a responsibility that makes them become more mature and independents in leading their own life. They will become more responsible on helping their parents doing the house work because they understand that their parent was very tired after working for the whole day. In addition, they also look after their sibling when their parents are not around.
A part from that, the advantage being the eldest child is that we can show a good attitude for our siblings.
12:21 PM
Hanakana,
What you have written doesn't show your understanding of what a topic sentence is and what supporting details are. A topic sentence is a sentence that appears as the first sentence in each content paragraph. It shows the readers on what your paragraph is going to be about. Supporting details would be examples to support your topic sentence.
Nowadays,students lack of reading.Why students are lack of reading?Most of the time it is because of the enviroment and friends.Reading is an important job for student.Reading is not just for spending times,it is also a good habit to train student's mind.To encourage students to read,we should provide a better enviroment for students to read,held many kinds of campaigns about benefits of reading and parents should encourage their children to read since their children are small.
12:26 PM
nicpm11
Well done! Clearly stated topic sentence and suitable examples used as supporting details.
12:31 PM
The meaning of self-centered is slightly about the attitude of selfishness. In this world, there is nobody who like to friend with them. Usually, a person with this bad attitude is always cut queues while driving. Andy don’t have patient to wait, because of his cuts line action, Andy and my two friends in the car survive through an accident last three month. Luckily, we all didn’t hurt, no bleeding, but the car is totally can’t use anymore. Besides, there are more action that shows the person whether is selfish or not, such as arrive un fashionably late for a function and do not give up public seats to the elderly.
12:31 PM
v2(PM11)
What is your topic sentence? You have not stated your topic sentence clearly, thus this causes you to lose focus on what you want to write about in your first paragraph. You'll have to think about your topic sentence and rewrite it. Have a look at some of my comments to give you a better idea.
As we know, having a roommate is benefits to our life when we are study outside. Roommate is the person who closes to us and shares the happiness and sadness together. With a roommate, we can study and do our revisions together because it is more effective and more memorable compares to study alone. We can also discuss homework with each other if we have problem such as cannot solve the question. When the exam is coming, we can study together and make it easier such as study in a group because it is more effective. Furthermore, roommate is the person who always accompany with us when we are happy or sad.
12:33 PM
Firstly, having a roommate you will not get bored easily. As we all know, roommate are the closest to us when we stay away from our house. We will have a partner to go for lunch and shopping together and even go to school. During our free time, we can go for sports together with our roommates such as playing football or basketball. We will also not get bored easily because we will have a good listener to chat with and willing to hear our sadness.
12:35 PM
fcloh
Firstly, as you have already written an introduction paragraph, you do not have to start each content paragraph with a general statement as an introduction sentence for your content paragraph. You can state your topic sentence straightaway. Your topic sentence, saying that a good library would be able to encourage the reading habit among students, in which, is logical, however, your supporting details which gave examples on how librarians should behave does not support your topic sentence. Focus on what makes a good library. Talk about what type of books should be stocked in the library, talk about what the state government can do to improve libraries. That would make better and more logical supporting details.
12:38 PM
dking(PM11)
From your writing, you mentioned that having a room mate will not allow you to get bored as your topic sentence. However, your supporting details doesn't really portray how having a room mate will always make your life more interesting. Give more examples of different scenarios and activities that you do with you room mate. As for someone to listen to your worries, that would be another topic sentence on it's own.
Firstly, having a roommate you will not get bored easily. As we all know, roommate are the closest to us when we stay away from our house. We will have a partner to go for lunch and shopping together and even go to school. During our free time, we can go for sports together with our roommates such as playing football or basketball. We will also not get bored easily because we will have a good listener to chat with and willing to hear our sadness.
Firstly, having a roommate you will not get bored easily. As we all know, roommate are the closest to us when we stay away from our house. We will have a partner to go for lunch and shopping together and even go to school. During our free time, we can go for sports together with our roommates such as playing football or basketball. We will also not get bored easily because we will have a good listener to chat with and willing to hear our sadness.
12:40 PM
cutebaby
I noticed that you have not submitted an outline for your essay topic. Thus, from what you have written for your first content paragraph is very vague. You are not able to portray clearly what you want to write. You do not have a focus. Make sure you complete an outline before attempting to write an essay. Please submit an outline so that it gives you a focus point to concentrate on.
12:46 PM
Firstly, we have to provide the material to the students. There are many students that come from different status of family. Some of their parent can support their children but some of them are unable to support those material to their children although the hope to do so. The tuition fees that paid by the parents are the part of funds that support a school.
Some of the parents are unable to pay the tuition fees meanwhile they have to buy those material for their children. We have to provide the material in school or library such as magazines, story books, newspaper and revision books. It’s more easier for them to read and also a way to encourage them to read. There are some students that are poor and do not have enough money to buy its. According to this situation, they can read by borrowing those material that have been provided. Malaysia economics is not stable as before, the prices for many goods raise, but the salaries for the workers do not change or remain constant. For example, the price for the revision books raise but the salaries for the parents remain unchanged, the have no enough money to buy it to their children. Consequently, we have to provide the material to the students and it will encourage them to read more.
(pm 11)
12:46 PM
skypm11
Your topic sentence is stated clearly. However, your supporting details does not support your topic sentence clearly. Try to focus on how cigarette smoking can cause bad health. Give examples.
As we know, smoking can bring a lot of disadvantages to us. The main drawback is the smokes of cigarette can affect our health especially second hand smokes. A cigarette consists about thousand of chemical compound which are poison. If the smoker keeps smoking, it will increase the risk of contracting disease. For instant lung cancers, heart attack, high blood pressure and etc. Smoking not only affects the smoker even those people are around the smoker. So smoker should think about other people before smoking especially their family. According to the research of government, most of the Malaysian died because of smoking. That’s why our government takes much action to reduce the percentage of smoker. For instant raises the taxes of cigarette, limit the smoking area etc.
12:49 PM
mandyals
Well written paragraph with good examples however try to be more specific as to what materials are you talking about. Reading materials? Textbooks? Newspapers?
Firstly, we have to provide the material to the students. There are many students that come from different status of family. Some of their parent can support their children but some of them are unable to support those material to their children although the hope to do so. The tuition fees that paid by the parents are the part of funds that support a school.
Some of the parents are unable to pay the tuition fees meanwhile they have to buy those material for their children. We have to provide the material in school or library such as magazines, story books, newspaper and revision books. It’s more easier for them to read and also a way to encourage them to read. There are some students that are poor and do not have enough money to buy its. According to this situation, they can read by borrowing those material that have been provided. Malaysia economics is not stable as before, the prices for many goods raise, but the salaries for the workers do not change or remain constant. For example, the price for the revision books raise but the salaries for the parents remain unchanged, the have no enough money to buy it to their children. Consequently, we have to provide the material to the students and it will encourage them to read more.
3:54 PM
As we all know, there are many drawback of cigarette smoking. cigarette smoking will caused our health become weak or easier to get disease. Besides that, who is around the smokers will suffer when they are smoking. The cigarette smoke makes people feel unpleasant and uncomfortable. The smokers will spent a lot of money to buy cigarette and they are wasting their money addict in cigarette smoking.(PM09)
10:36 PM
cuteyounglady,
What you have written below would be more suitable for an introduction paragraph. What's your 1st content paragraph going to be then?
Imagine that you got into an argument with your parents. You said some things you wish you had not. You told your parents that they were neglecting you while they were actually work hard to finds more money to raise you. Now you realize that you must apologize. The apology is the best way to resolve the conflict. Should you apologize right away, or should you wait until your parents finishes expressing their feelings?
11:47 AM
sham_mu7
Beautifully written with good examples to show why Austria is a beautiful country.
One of the most interesting place to visit in Europe is Austria.Austria renowed for its ski resorts set on a spectacular mountains. This place is actually suitable for people who interested in skiing. As we know, the capital of Austria is Vienna. There's a lot of unique and glorious achitectural reminders. For an example, there's an famous opera house and the former imperial residence of the hofburg. This glorious achitectural reminders are located at Vienna, capital city of Austria. Austria is also known all over the world as the setting for the sound of music.This movie was mainly taken in this country.Furthermore, people instantly associate the idylic lake and mountain sceneries. From the high alps in the west to the plains in the east, Austria is a beautiful country with lots of tourist attraction.
11:48 AM
cuteyounglady
Once again, your paragraph below is more suitable as an introduction paragraph.
Imagine that you got into an argument with your parents. You said some things you wish you had not. You told your parents that they were neglecting you while they were actually work hard to finds more money to raise you. Now you realize that you must apologize. The apology is the best way to resolve the conflict. But, when is the best time to apologize? From my point of view, there are three best time to actually apologize which you can apologize right away, wait until your parents finishes expressing their feelings or let the day past and will just apologize when you think you want to.
11:51 AM
kayven
Your topic sentence is good. However, try thinking of giving examples of famous travel getaways, for example, going to Tibet to look at the temples, or to a diving trip to look at the marine life, to help you desribe your topic sentence through examples.
Firstly, one of the ways student can spend their free time is go to travel. You can choose your place for travel depend on your term of your holiday. If you have a long term holiday, you can travel on overseas. On the contrary, if your holiday is short term, you also can go travel by choosing some places that near by your hometown. Through traveling, you can learn other country culture and eat various kind of food. By this, you also will gain more knowledge. Furthermore, you won’t laugh by others that you are a frog under a well. In addition, you will feel happy, relax, and release your tension when traveling. Then, you also can take this advantage to throw away whatever your trouble or problem in the school for a moment.
11:56 AM
angelPM11
From what you have written, you have not quite shown what it means by utility. When you write something, you have to assume that your readers do not understand what you are going to write. thus, you need to be very specific. Explain what utility means and then relate examples to make it clearer. Try again yea.
The first advantage of learning economic is maximizing the utility. Some Malaysian who never learns the subject of economic is unable to maximizing their utility when they consumed. They do not know how to get more utility for the same number of money they have spent. Being a smart consumer, we have to achieve the highest number of utility with spend the less money. Learning economic let all he Malaysian know about the best way to consume.
12:02 PM
Zuhairra(PM09)
Firstly, you are not suppose to post your introduction in this link. Also, you have not stated your thesis statement in your introduction paragraph. What is it that you want to write about in this essay? Answer this question and you'll have your thesis statement.
‘’To Clone, Or Not To Clone?’’ Did you ever imagine having a child that is the exact replica of you? Did you ever imagine of having the curve for heart disease or cancer? Well, these fantasies is through a process called cloning. Cloning is the replication of an exact genetic copy of an organism by use of a somatic tissue (or cell) from the donor organism. Cloning can be used in humans, or organs, or even animals
pm09
12:06 PM
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